The living years

Many of us have attended a funeral and said afterwards that the person it was recognising would have really enjoyed it. They would have loved how many of their family and friends had turned up and would have so enjoyed the readings, the music and the reception afterwards.

Nowadays, as we’ve seen an increase in direct cremations and people saying that they perhaps don’t want a service, perhaps we’ll see more ‘living funerals’ or pre-funerals where that person will benefit from seeing all the people they love before they die and ‘celebrate’ with them.

Kris Hallenga (1985-2024) the founder of breast cancer awareness charity, CoppaFeel! lived with terminal cancer for 15 years. Knowing she was going to die fairly soon, Kris made the decision to create a joyful celebration in Truro Cathedral that she could join in with herself. It was a party atmosphere, filled with music, laughter and love. Dawn French did a sermon as The Vicar of Dibley, there was ABBA karaoke and Kris’ coffin there for guests to leave messages on.

Explaining her reason for wanting to have a living funeral, Kris said: "I want to be present at the event where my people have a thing or two to say about me and where I have the opportunity to show how much they mean to me."

In a Guardian article from 2024, the journalist spoke with some people who had attended their own living funeral, including Millie, a lady in her late 80s. She had already been to a few of her own friends’ funerals at crematoriums and wasn’t sure that it was ‘for her’.  So, she and her family organised a living funeral in her own orchard at home. Trees were decorated with ribbons and rose petals and lavender was scattered on the ground.

There were Danish pastries to represent Millie’s homeland and coffee served in her wedding china.

She said: “The day was so personal and felt like an opportunity for me to share stories from my life. I was touched by how interested everyone was in my photographs. My favourite part was going through my mother’s cookbook with my granddaughters. The main thing I took from it was that life needs to be shared. It gave me the chance to share stories from my life that my friends didn’t know about. I felt that I was very loved.”

A living funeral isn’t just about that person being there to experience the love, it’s also about their friends and family hearing those stories. So often, we’ll go to a funeral and only know that person from our very individual experience of them. We always seem to find out something we didn’t know and even if it’s a close relative, there will be old colleagues or friends who will give us a different insight into our loved one.

Here at Tester & Jones, we offer our own Simply Direct and Local Attended Cremations, so do get in touch to find out more. We also work closely with a number of local celebrants who could help you to organise your own living funeral. Do call us on 01892 611811.