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Making a list

Very often when you attend the funeral of a loved-one, the day will seem to pass by in a blur. You will be focusing on your own grief, while also possibly checking on arrangements, as well as keeping an eye on close relatives and friends. It’s not unusual then to look back and not really remember very much at all, let alone who was there on the day.

A lady whose young daughter had died remembers bumping into another mother from school a few weeks after the funeral, who had commented on how moving the service was. After the conversation, the lady realised that she had no idea this mother had even been at the service. And it’s often like that.

For this reason, we offer our families the option of one of our team taking the name of mourners at the door, which we then type up and pass on to them afterwards. This offers a reminder of who was there on the day. It’s also a useful record of anyone who attended the service but didn’t make it to any gathering afterwards. Again, in this case, families might not realise that they were there at all.

Some families like to drop a note to the people who attended and, again, our list offers a usual tick-list for doing this.

In addition to an attendance list, some people purchase a memorial book in which mourners can write not only their names but a special memory about the person who has died. Very often, if it’s a childhood friend or a colleague from work, the memory might be something which is new to the family. This type of book is something which is kept afterwards and can be a comfort to read through on a significant date or just when you want to think about that person. It can also be handed down through the generations.

If you are the person who has been asked to write in the memorial book, it can sometimes feel hard to know what to say. So, rather than simply signing your name and saying you’ll miss that person, really do try to think of a memory you shared with them, a day out, a holiday, a funny thing that happened at work. Don’t be worried about sharing an amusing memory, because those happy moments are so important to capture.

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